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10 Worse Things For Kids…Ever.

Here is a list of things targeted for kids but are in reality the worst things for kids to have from personal experience and I’m sure many other parents will agree. 

Regret decision
Me after giving my kids the following things!

1. Silly putty- Yeah it’s all fun and games until you have bright red silly putty stuck in your white carpet. Who in their right mind would have white carpet?

2.  Cheetos- WORLD’S MESSIEST SNACK EVER. Each bag should come with a pack of wipes. I often earn my tiger stripes before noon. 

Cheetos hands
These hands look familiar?

3. Chalk- Every time the kids play with chalk they themselves look like a piece of chalk. They are covered from head to toe in colorful dust. In addition, everyone walks on the concrete to get into the house so we have colorful foots step decorating my entryway.

4. Easy Bake Oven- Yeah it’s all Betty Crocker and Paula Deen ya’ll until clean up time. Not to mention the taste of that stuff. Blah. We are better off baking something good in the regular oven.

5. Sand Art- Sand everywhere and to think you pay money to put sand in a fun shaped container. Why not just go get sand from the yard and put it in a soda bottle. 

6. Sugar- In any form. Nuff said! 😅

Sugar crazy
Sugar high in 3..2..1!

7. Playdough- It becomes crumbs and mixed together and no longer “acceptable” to play with according to my tantrum throwing two year old. 

8. Ritz Crackers- From the mouth of my husband “I hate them. They piss me off”. Apparently they crumble too easily and make a huge mess! 

9. M&M’s-Melt in your mouth not in your hand huh? What about the damn colored candy shell? One handful of M&m’s and you can guarantee that you will have a rainbowed child and house. 

Messy M&m's hands
Every time!

10. Play Pen Balls- These fun, enjoyable creations are awesome when they are not at your own house! Did you know they come in 100 count? And my husband thought it would be the coolest idea to buy two? I can’t go a single hour without seeing a ball or two. I have given up picking them up every day!

*BONUS* And most lethal.

11. Legos- They are the iconic “building blocks” of so many people’s childhoods all over the world. They are also known as the devil’s stepping stones! Literally have you ever stepped on one of the glorious “babysitters”?

Stepping on legos
Ouch. Oooo. Eee. Devil’s stepping stones!

Well there it is. I know there are probably dozens of more items so feel free to list them in the comments. 

Until next Time, Cheers Bitches 

DomesticatedMomster

Tammymum

Hunting Season Is Among Us.

It is 12:38 pm on a Thursday and I realised that I haven’t written anything all week. Honestly, I write on the schedule of my favorite linky #momsterslink. I try to have a new post by Thursday at noon so I can link up with the lovely Trista. Well this week has caught me off guard because it is Hunting season! 

This year due to having two little ones and no one to watch them hubby went out hunting on his own. Not only do I feel a bit worried for him to be out there by himself, I feel really butt hurt that I didn’t get to go!*sobbing* 

Crying mama. Alone
So alone but I kinda like it.

I didn’t draw a tag this year so I would just be along for the ride but it’s a ride I would love to be taking right now! While the hubby is away the wife definitely doesn’t get to play. These little nuggets have me with my hands fuller then normal. I’m sure they can sense my fear and anxiety, pushing my buttons even more, testing the alcohol content in my nightly drink. While I am use to having them to myself most days, it’s the evenings that are kicking my butt. There is never enough time or alcohol.  

Can't get enough wine
Wine happy.

 This hunting season couldn’t have come at a less convenient time. Both babies are getting over the stomach bug, we are at the butt end of it, quite literally!!!! The 4am shit fest has become part of our  morning routine. The amount of laundry I have washed and baths I have given out numbers the amount of drinks I have had time to consume. *which doesn’t really say much, but sounded good*. If I were smart I would have just washed their clothes in the bath with them.

Too much laundry.
This was me the entire time.

There are a few pros that come from Hunting Season:

  • Whole bed to myself. *sort of, I’m currently sharing the bed with the load of laundry I didn’t have the energy to fold*
  • All the blankets to myself.
  • No competition over the remote.
  • I get my share and his of dessert.;)
  • A little bit of time alone. Distance makes the geart grow fonder.
  • Fresh air, not smelling his farts.
  • I can make Spaghetti! Hubby’s least favorite food and one of my favorite.

    I did receive an awesome text message a few hours ago with a picture of hubby’s Elk. So he should be home this evening, and it’s back to being a wifey. Wish me luck.

    Until next time, Cheers Bitches 

    DomesticatedMomster

    Island Living 365


    Say Hello to Thing One And Thing Two

    I want to introduce to you two of my favorite people. I spend my entire week with these ladies and sometimes even the weekends. These two are the types of friends you want in your corner when shit gets real. They are not fake and they don’t sugar coat anything. They will always have your back, even if you are wrong. They are they type to laugh at you first and then ask of you are ok.

    Snow plowing babe
    Cheri all ready to plow some snow. Lol
    Funny. What the hell.
    Jenny. I have nothing to say to this one.

    Meet Cheri and Jenny. Cheri happens to be my neighbor so we have  to be friends, you know ‘Love thy neighbor’ and all. She also happens to own and run the daycare and preschool that Gracie, Will and I go to daily. While Gracie and Will get to hang out with other little nuggets  I get a little adult interaction. (Not much adulting going on honestly). Little Miss Jenny and I have been friends for years. She one of those people you can’t get rid of, we all know a person of this kind. Jenny is Cheri’s  little helper, and by little I mean she is 5’1″. Not that Cheri is much, or should I say at all, taller at a whopping 5′.

    Talking about poop, real best friends
    True story

    These two are here for me when I need to rant about my lovely children and how behaved they are *cough cough*. They are here to listen to my every symptom and tell me I don’t have the flu or hepatitis. They are also here to share stories and make me feel normal. We have talked about everything. There is not a single subject we haven’t discussed, seriously. Everywhere from bowel movements to diets. We know things about each other that would make it difficult to be on bad terms. 

    Friends forever
    We can never NOT be friends!

    These two have thought me so much.Like don’t go on any sort of three day cleanse. You will cause much unnecessary gasses. I have learned not to take a full dose of Nyquil night time. You can wake up in a different place then where you first laid down at. I have learned to always make sure there is a cup under the Kuirag when brewing a cup of coffee. That is always helpful. I have learned to never ever cuddle a child that doesn’t feel good. It will turn you off Mac n cheese for life. I have learned never drink and try to walk up my drive way. There is a stronger gravitational pull apparently. I have also learned that that wearing socks with sandal is not an acceptable form of fashion. It’s not my fault my feet are cold in the morning and warm in the evening. I can only hope that I have shared some of my unique knowledge with them over the years.

    Best friends sisters for life
    Jenny and I at our annual Ice Fishing Derby!
    Mom riding scooter
    Cheri cruising around the house. Never a dull moment.

    We are the three musketeers, Charlie’s Angels, three peas in a (overcrowded) pod. *Funny fact: Cheri’s husband’s name is Charlie*. You know all this jokes about the blond, brunette and red head, those are jokes about us. These two are my true friends and I would be lost without them. Cheri has a heart of gold. She would do anything for anyone. Jenny is a little firecracker, the sweetest firecracker ever! She would give you the shirt off her back any day! I am so grateful for them and their great personalities. They get me through every day. I love them bitches like sisters.

    Until next time, Cheers Bitches 

    DomesticatedMomster

    Two Tiny Hands

    Things I Have Learned To Do One Handed

    This last Friday I had surgery on my wrist. I had what the doctor thought was a ganglion cyst that was pushing against a nerve causing pain. Well I go in to have it removed and ends up being a growth on my tendon. Everything went well and I am recovering fast, but I have to say it is pretty painful and more difficult to get along like normal.

    This so happened to be the weekend hubby worked so I was on my own with three kids.*Bad planning on my part* I will say it was interesting to say the least. The amount of tasks that I perform using both hands or even my dominate hand is unbelievable. Yeah, I had surgery on my dominant hand and I realised that I take for granted the tasks that I do perform daily with the usage of both hands. 

    My 8 year old was quite a bit of help and I give her props for that, maybe a special treat is in store for her too. There were some things I just wouldn’t want her to have to do. Like changing the babies’ poopy diapers.*imagining poop everywhere but on the wipe* This was the hardest thing to do one handed and with my retarded uncoordinated left hand. I was almost better off having the 8 year old doing it. The babies were patient, sort of, and there wasn’t a single shit fest.

    Another task that I found difficult was dishes. We do own a dishwasher so all I had to do was scrub them and put them in  the dishwasher. *I say “all I had to do” like it was easy or something* Scrubbing dishes one handed with your nondominant hand should be an Olympic sport. Easier said then done obviously but I managed. I used my legs as much as I used my hand.(to open twist top cups and Tupperware of course) 

    During the first two days I wasn’t supposed to shower because of the bandages. So you can imagine how gross and stinky I was. Is it just me or when someone tells you can’t or shouldn’t  do something you want to even more? I have gone days out camping and hunting without even caring for a shower but two days of sitting at home and a shower felt like a luxury. 

    Every task felt like a challenge trying to make my left hand do what I wanted it too. Brushing my teeth was quite funny I had toothpaste everywhere, except in my mouth. 

     Try wiping with the opposite hand. Just try it. It’ll be funny, for everyone but you. Stirring anything ended up with half of the food on the counter and floor. * I am sure my dogs gained a few pounds*  Being one handed and being forced to use my left hand makes me wonder if this is how a T Rex would feel. Short arms, so few tasks they can accomplish.

    I did all of this without a drop of alcohol. Yeah, crazy I know! I guess the pain pills and alcohol don’t mix well! Imagine that!

    Well until next time, Cheers Bitches!

    Tammymum

    One Bed, Alcohol, Bees and 4 Extra Pounds.

    I have been a little M.I.A.for the past week due to going on vacation. I know what you all are thinking… lucky biotch. I did have a great time don’t get me wrong, but there were some unfortunate events that made it less then perfect. 

    Beach in Lake Tahoe
    BEAUTIFUL Beach in Lake Tahoe

    My family, including my in laws, went to the beautiful South Lake Tahoe, California. Lake Tahoe is not only the place of where hubby and I got engaged, but also the place of our wedding. We try to take a trip every year. This trip we stayed at the amazing Tahoe Ridge Resort.

    TAHOE Ridge Resort on a mountain
    At the top of the mountain is the Tahoe Ridge Resort where we stayed.

     Our suite was supposed to be a two bedroom and to our surprise it was only one. Yeah, one room with 4 adults and two kids. So hubby and I took turns with his parents trying to get a decent nights sleep on the one actual bed. The other “bed” consisted of a 3 inch mattress that came unfolded out of the couch, definitely the most uncomfortable sleeping arrangement. That was unfortunate event one. 

    Resort pictures
    A few pictures of the Resort
    Hubby taking a selfie.
    I was sitting on the couch that was our second “bed”. Hubby taking a selfie!:)

    Sunday while there, we went out on a Rum Runner Cruise. On this miniature yacht they serve these drinks called Rum Runner, which are made from slushy, which contained rum on the bottom and topped with two more shots of rum. Yeah, we were all feeling like pirates by the end of this cruise. We were on a boat! We were the life of the party. I am pretty sure we were the only group that drank more then one Rum Runner drink, and there is a reason. Apparently there can only be one Captain of this boat and after a few drinks we were all captains. 

    RUM RUNNER CRUISE
    Just a few of the many pictures taken on the Rum Runner (booze) Cruise.

    The cruise took us on a little tour of some of the other bays and showed us what they called the “castle”. It is a home in the middle of huge evergreen trees, built by hand by an architect, now abandoned and used more as a museum. The only way to this Castle is either by boat or a hike in. Absolutely stunning. 

    Hidden castle in Lake Tahoe
    This is the Castle. BEAUTIFULLY BUILT.

    In Tahoe, they are experiencing the worst bee season they have ever seen. Everywhere we went there were swarms of bees. We were having to swat them away from the babies all day long. Worst part about the bees was that a majority of the places to eat were seated outside and the second you got your food the bees got worse. They were attracted to our food like flies are attracted to shit. 

    Any and every body of water was also swarmed with these suckers. We tried taking the babies to the pool and that didn’t last too long due to the amount of bees and the fact that I forgot to pack swim diapers. So on top of trying not to get stung I was trying to make sure their diapers didn’t break open and leak that God awful gel. That sums up unfortunate event number two.

    Babies ready to swim
    The babies all geared up to swim.

    Monday while there, we had scheduled to go parasailing. Something I never imagined my hubby would be willing to participate in. Come Monday morning, we check in and are waiting for the boat to come get us, nervous as hell of course. The captain of the boat pulls up to the dock and informs us that the wind has picked up and it is too dangerous to parasail for the rest of the day. He tells us to reschedule for in the morning the next day, so we do. We later got a phone call telling us they won’t be operating the parasailing for at least couple more days. We were scheduled to leave prior to when the wind would be in better conditions so we had to cancel all together.  My hubby was way more disappointed then I thought he would be to not be able to go. It was a huge deal for him. There you have unfortunate event number three.

    Hubby waiting, baby monkey.
    Hubby patiently waiting to go parasailing. Gracie playing monkey and baby William at ease as usual.

    Have I mentioned the food??  The variety of food we have in Winnemucca is outnumbered by the numer of Subway sandwich shops we have, true story. So you can imagine my excitement when I have the opportunity to eat pretty much anything I can want. I was beyond stuffed after every meal because the food was absolutely amazing. From authentic Mexican food to Sushi. This in addition to the 400 calorie Rum Runner drinks I was consuming, had me 4 pounds heavier when I got home. As you all know from one of my previous posts, I am overweight to begin with. So what is 4 more pounds you say? That’s 2 more weeks and about 14000 calories I have to try to burn. Totally worth it!! 

    Famous drink in Lake Tahoe the wet woody. Yum.
    This is another famous rum drink called the Wet Woody.

    While in Tahoe, we tried to get Gracie to catch her very first fish. They have a fish farm that you can try to catch fish. If you catch something you pay per inch. You can have them clean them and they even have a list of restaurants that you can take your fish and they will cook it for you. Anyways we were fishing for about 45 minutes before hubby caught a fish. He let Gracie reel it in and that’s when all hell broke loose. Gracie Freaked out! Screaming bloody murder, terrified of the fish. Everyone was looking at us like we seen a ghost or something. Needless to say I think Gracie caught her first and last fish that day.

    Fishing. Fish farm Lake Tahoe family day
    Baby William loved the fish, Gracie was terrified and Hubby was so excited that “Gracie” caught a fish.

    Our vacation was amazing and definitely memorable. There is no doubt in my mind we will be continuing to make our annual Tahoe trip in the future. With that said I am glad to be back home, in our own bed, without anywhere to go!:)

    **Update** Because this post seemed to take forever and a day to write in between unpacking and getting back to a normal routine,I forgot to mention the most incredible part! THE SPA!Amazing hubby went off and surprised me with a hot stone massage (because he is awesome and caring!) I have only experienced a spa one other time and that time was amusing to say the least, right Celia and Shelby? This massage was the most relaxing thing I have ever experienced. My masseuse was so kind and interesting. We talked the entire time, which I guess isn’t normal, regardless I enjoyed it. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted her to adopt me. Well it had to come to an end and the hot tub later that evening was unbelievably mind blowing. My body melted into it like a witch in the sunlight. 

    Hubby in hot tub.
    Excuse the nakedness of hubby. Was a good time.

    Until next time, Cheers Bitches!

    DomesticatedMomster

    Crazy night of drinking and partying!

    Having three kids, two being under three, makes it very expensive and complicated to find a babysitter to get a little needed alone time with hubby. I can recall right after baby William was born we actually had three different babysitters because they can be, or should I say, are a handful.

     After finding babysitter/s I am usually too tired to consider participating in any activity that does not include pajamas, and my bed.

    Well, recently hubby and I had the luxury of finding a babysitter *yeah to our surprise just one!*  Our original plan was to relax at home, have a few drinks and get some much needed uninterrupted sleep. After a few drinks, hubby gets the crazy idea that we should try to hit the town for a little bar hopping. Feeling like rebel I agree. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time we went out, before Gracie was born at least. 

    We both get in some nice, non snotted or spit up on clothes, and hit the town. On the drive into town we are feeling quite young and wild. We even tried to contact some of our other coupled friends *who are all also parents*. No one was available.*imagine that* I guess with little heads up it’s uncommon for everyone to find babysitters spur the moment. 

    We look at the time and it is only 8:30. If we could recall correctly the bars don’t start hopping until at least 10. What were we going to do until then?  Hubby gets ahold of a buddy of his that can’t go out but still wanted to have a few drinks. We head over to his house and enjoyed their company until 10:30. We leave with the intentions of still going out but when we both get in the truck we look at each other and there is an unspoken understanding that we won’t be making it out on the town. Laughter just fills the cab and we head home. 

    I was a little disappointed the next day that we hadn’t actually gone out. Being a parent makes me feel old. Makes me appreciate alone time and early bedtime. I have to say though, having the babysitter for the night and uninterrupted sleep was amazing. 
    Until next time, Cheers Bitches!

    Two Tiny Hands

    DomesticatedMomster

    A mother’s prayer

    This is my prayer to thee

    to take all my pain from me.

    My back, my neck, my legs,my feet

    and even where I park my seat *aka ass*

    True story. Who’s with me?

    Please don’t replace the one grey hair,

    With 12 more it’s just not fair.

    That glazed donut that I ate,

    If you could keep it off my thighs that’d be great!

    She learned this trick from me, this is what you do when you don’t want to share.

    Oh those little humans of mine,

    I think they will be just fine.

    But just in case,

    Let me keep up to their pace.

    Let them live through today,

    and the next 18 years what do ya say.

    Help me keep a good mood,

    While they run around the house nude.

    Why yes my hubby too!

    Let him survive all this by the power of you.

    He puts up with me,

    and as you can see

    It is a hard chore,

    And sometimes a bore.

    But I love him so,

    Especially when he decides to mow.

    Almost looks like my hubby too!:)

    Help my mind be quick,

    and waist not so thick.

    Help me figure Out What to cook For dinner,

    and among the tots make it a winner.

    After dinner I want to do the deed,

    Make it so the kids have all they need.

    Better not be any questions! 😉

    Mommy and daddy need it so,

    But let’s keep that on the down low. 

    Oh yeah and thanks for our health,

    And our strength to work for our wealth.

    Thanks for our family and friends,

    and the way our life never dead ends.

    May the number on the scale be wrong.

    May my early morning coffee be strong.

    May it not be poop I smell when I take a wiff.

    May my afternoon alcohol be stiff.
    Until next time, Cheers bitches!

    Rhyming with Wine

    Two Tiny Hands

    DomesticatedMomster

    Sunshine Blogger Award

    I’m gunna let it shine!! I was nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award by surviving survivingbutterfly over at homemakersunited.wordpress.com. I can’t say thanks enough. I started this blog not even knowing what to expect and the love I have gotten is amazing. She has some questions she wants me to answer:

    1. What do you like to do for fun? I love to camp, fish, hunt, blog, read, craft, and drink  alcoholic beverages.🍻

    2. What is your favorite movie? Don’t get to watch a lot of movies but I have always loved Dirty Dancing with Patrick 

    3. Do you have a phobia? I don’t really have a phobia per say but I hate hate snakes.

    4. What is your favorite song? So many to choose from, umm I guess anything by Chris Young.

    5. How did you come up with your blog name? My title is my daily life. Kids, coffee, and chaos. Fits perfectly.

    6. What advice do you have for someone who want to start a blog? Just go for it. Dive right in head first. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, ask them all.

    7. How did you feel when you wrote your first blog post? I felt excited for this new endeavor. I felt accomplished. 

    8. What dish would you say you cook best. I love my Spaghetti. I add green chiles and olives.. yummm.🍝

    9. Do you have a favorite condiment. Ranch!

    10. What would you like for a pet. I am not a big “pet” person, strictly dogs. 🐶

    Now that I have accepted my nomination I will nominate others and I have some questions for my nominees.

    1. What is your favorite TV show?
    2. What is your go to dinner?
    3. What is your all time favorite alcoholic beverage?
    4. What is your goal for the next year?
    5. What is the last thing you ate?
    6. How do you like your coffee?
    7. If you have kids, is there a meaning behind their names?
    8. What is your favorite family tradition? How long have you been doing it?
    9. What is the last book you read?
    10. What is your favorite color?

     https://beastlyboys.wordpress.com/

    https://babiesbiscuitsandbooze.com

    Rhymingwithwine.com 

    http://lifeloveanddirtydishes.com/
    http://www.thesingleswan.com/
    http://pooprainbows.com/
    https://thefrenchiemummy.com/
    Please answer these questions and nominate other bloggers!



    Funny shit kids say…

    We have all been there, embarrassed by what your cute, little, big mouth decides to share in public. Some of the things my kids have blurted out can make a nun blush. Kids are so very honest and I absolutely adore that. I guess all you can do is laugh. 

    The infamous truth telling and true questions?

    Why are your teeth messed up?

    Billy Bob we met at Wal-Mart

    Are you a girl or a boy?

    Why is your belly so big?

    What’s that on your face? *huge mole*

    Mommy why is that lady wearing that?  *pointing out bigger lady in shorts unbuttoned and belly shirt*

    Not actual picture but close enough.

    See mommy you can wear you pajamas to Wal-Mart. *loudly pointing out lady in pjs*

    Mommy you buy a lot of beer.

    Someone has to drink it all

    My dog died. Well actually my grandpa shot him.   *8yr old in the check out line.* The horrified look on the checkers face was priceless

    Your legs are pokey.  *while rubbing hand down my 2 weeks unshaved legs* 

    Mommy you have big boobies. 

    Mommy what is that? *pointing at my hoo-ha* I seriously wanted to reply that it was a cat (lack of time to shave) but then thought what if she wanted to pet it. 

    Here kitty kitty


    Bodily functions:

    Mom, mommy, ma!*as loud as they can say it* I need to poop. Or I just farted.

    Wait for the flush.

    Mom it stinks in here. *in the restroom*

    *Still in the restroom laughing* haha mommy did you just hear that?? mom someone just farted!

    Even as an adult I have to admit sometimes I laugh too

    Are you pooping? *yup still in restroom*

    My dog always poops in the house. And my mommy gets mad at him. *telling bank teller and so kindly drew a picture of it at school for a journal entry*

    This is exactly what would happen…and you wonder why I get mad

    My mom just had a baby. She pushed it right out her butt. *lady behind us in checkout line*
    Yes, all of these things have been said. No, it doesn’t surprise me one bit. My children are very observant and honest, and in turn I have a great sense of humor. 

    Feel free to share some of your experiences of what your child has said. 

    Until next time, Cheers Bitches.

    DomesticatedMomster

    Island Living 365


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